I went to an outdoor socially distanced baby shower today and was talking to some wonderful, intelligent, motivated women about stress and meditation. An interesting question they were asking was this: “if I know meditation is so good for me, why don’t I just DO it?” We all agreed that it was such a quandary. We’ve all read books and articles on mindfulness, mental health, etc. We know the science, the studies, the myriad of benefits. And we care about our health. So why can’t we take 10-20 minutes (or just 5 minutes for Gods sake) out of our day to sit on the damn cushion and do it already?
This got me thinking. And here is what I came up with:
The first reason is that I don’t think people know HOW to meditate. We are taught that meditation brings about a quiet mind and when people actually sit down to meditate and realize their minds are a jumbled mess, they can actually create more strain. Guess how many times I’ve heard this story: Person is anxious and stressed. They try meditation but haven’t been instructed on how to do it so they become anxious about their meditation. They try harder to quiet the mind but it just ends up feeling like an unpleasant chore. Person concludes it doesn’t work for them and gives up. I’ve heard this many times. I think the best solution is to take a course, learn from an experienced teacher, go to a meditation retreat for beginners or commit to a 30 day meditation challenge to jump start you into the habit. It also helps to have an accountability buddy to do it with you. Also know this: there are as many ways to meditate as there are fish in the sea. Once you learn the basics, anything can become a meditation.
The second reason is because we are convinced we “don’t have time.” Yeah, I get it. This used to be my excuse before I started my daily meditation. But isn’t it interesting that we find time to do the other things that we value, like ordering the perfect latte from Starbucks, scrolling through our social media feeds, going to the exercise class? So why are we convinced we don’t have time for meditation? I think the real reason goes deeper. We Americans are pragmatic, get-it-done people who see more value in what WE DO than WHO WE ARE INSIDE. We find more value in checking boxes and getting through our to-do lists than sitting in silence and focusing. Can you relate? I sure can.
And it goes even deeper. There can be resistance in taking care of ourselves because we harbor an unconscious core belief that tells us we don’t deserve to be nice to ourselves. What? Of course we deserve it. Our intellect says we deserve it. Even Cosmopolitan magazine tells us we deserve it. But ask yourself when’s the last time you took the time to deeply nourish your emotional and spiritually wellbeing or get to truly know yourself? Some of us might have been brought up to value our accomplishments more than our happiness. Just the idea of self care practices might conflict with messages we received as children. I’ve found that the discovery of these unconscious core beliefs can be just the ticket to actually start shifting your focus and making time for self care practices like meditation.
And there’s one final reason: patience. We are a culture of instant gratification. We ask Siri what we want to know and she shows us instantly. We want it to work NOW. We want to fix it NOW. Well, just like most things in life, meditation takes practice. Same as yoga, same as playing sports, learning an instrument, or mastering anything. When we practice meditation, we are doing the work of mastering ourselves and that, my friends, takes a long time. A lifetime. And it’s a beautiful, chaotic, sometimes ugly, but magical thing. Let us trust the process.
If you’re interested in starting a meditation journey, as well as learning about other self care practices or getting free mindful movement classes every so often, you can sign up for my newsletter HERE.